In Internet Security, Every Joker needs a Batman

If the Joker is malware, then Batman is, obviously, the antivirus.


Without the Joker, there is no Batman. Without Batman, there is no Joker. So when pop culture’s most beloved villain gets a malware with his name, there must necessarily be a counteracting (but never completely defeating) antivirus with the Bat’s name on it.

The ‘Joker’ malware has infected 24 Android apps, and Google is now putting out the fires by deleting the said apps from the Play Store. The tech giant could perhaps be likened to Commissioner Gordon and the rest of the Gotham police - reasonably effective, occasionally morally grey, and confounded when faced with a psychopath.

In this situation, one needs a Batman. Where’s the Dark Antivirus when we need it?

Imagine the scene. Unsuspecting user (Gotham citizen) clicks lucrative-looking ad that shows up in an app. Because why not. Masquerading as a premium subscription, the virus obtains the user’s credit card details and then settles into every corner of their phone - virtually speaking.

The hapless citizen now has no control over the workings of the ‘service’, which proceeds to access their SMS messages, copying payment authentication OTPs left and right. The money then gets deducted from the user’s bank account.

Slick, unchaotic. Sort of Joker except not really. After all, our favourite psycho once set a pile of money on fire Because. We  can’t aspire to that level of Chaotic Evil, so we have to steal money like ordinary real-life humans

So where does the Joker’s arch-enemy fit in? Imagine a Batman Antivirus- let’s call it Dark Knight Security because I have no imagination. It operates in the background, on permanent Dark Mode. Being the Dark Knight, it’s not going to simply white/blacklist apps and miss a few. No, it’s scanning every app for something that looks even remotely fishy. And all the while, your infected Android app is running in the background, because Batman’s presence makes the Joker more excited, not less.

The moment Dark Knight Security picks up on the Joker virus, it’s war. But not all-out war. After all, these two are in the world’s most messed-up symbiotic relationship.

Image source: Reddit

So the two battle it out in your phone, and it takes a while; the Joker is unpredictable, and Dark Knight has the best sub-protocols, meant to combat this particular virus. Eventually, the Joker virus is defeated, and Chrome informs you that Google has just deleted the app from the Play Store, so you follow suit (and if you haven’t, you really should once you’re done reading this).

And with the disappearance of the Joker, Batman goes back to silently patrolling your phone for other threats to Gotham. Which should be manageable, as long as you don’t unknowingly invite the Joker back into your house via Play Store!

Disclaimer: The author’s knowledge of DC comes from the Dark Knight franchise and the George Clooney Batman movie. Apologies are offered.

TAGS: Joker malware